From the ashes of religious trauma, my faith is undergoing a quiet metamorphosis – growing wings of healing, truth, and resilience,

I felt it timely to share this poem I wrote still inside my dark, isolated cocoon of suffering having not yet returned to my failed biblical restoration I mentioned in my previous post here. My CPTSD untreated, undiagnosed. Naive to the compounded re-traumatization’s I had yet to experience, and all the beating of my wings left to do before breaking free to soar like I had long imagined. But it is God’s Truth that held me close and kept me alive until I could get the licensed help I desperately needed He would eventually guide me to.

A Survivor’s Metamorphosis.

Thinking you are going through hell entirely alone. Utterly abandoned. Invisible. Ignored. Nothing darker than inconsequential. Not a word from His people though you’ve given off flares. I’m in here. Someone notice. Someone care. 

Help me get through this metamorphosis. It burns. Breathing difficult. So many times one pulse from giving over. Fading into nothing. Having already disappeared without notice. Embracing the lie you’re already there. Nothing, absolutely nothing, to the world. It wouldn’t matter if you decided no more. Done. You’re in a cocoon out of sight. Out of mind. Out of heart. Out of prayer. 

God in the distant periphery tending to a cacophony of infinite cocoons. Breathing just enough life into you to survive the god awful metamorphosis and some days you wish He wouldn’t. Having lost all connection to Him in this world. The people who mattered most that instead of saying we’re in this together no matter what.. you are utterly, entirely alone. Not a thought. Abjectly inconsequential. 

Dropping off the face of the earth would have been better than hanging on a tree in plain suffering sight.

Then comes the beautiful day you break free for all to see. What once was weak, made strong. And you don’t have one care who sees. Because deep down you know the One who cares has not been on the periphery, but inside with you, not giving up, coaxing and providing, all, everything you need to finally break through all that ties and binds. To become the magnificent butterfly. The butterfly He will use. 

In the world of suffering cocoons you will be the one who sees, who speaks, who cries out, you in there, are not alone. I’m here beside you and God is in there with you. You will make it through this god awful metamorphosis and then we will soar together and see the most spectacular beauty that awaits because we held on. For dear Life. Free. And no longer burdened by the things that tie and bind and who cares.

Hang on friend for dear beautiful Life that awaits. And the weak made Strong. 

It is about sitting beside the suffering survivors of this sometimes god awful world letting them know they are seen. Until the day they are mighty Overcomers and break Free. Becoming Butterfly Women.

You, I see you. You are loved. Hold on. Get help. Let’s heal. Soar.

Love,

Raya

Your Seat At The Table